Is it asking too much when a person feels that they deserve someone that can understand and appreciate them? Like, really understand. And not push me when I'm down at my lowest. Why do I feel like I'm slipping, like I'm becoming a dull and lifeless being? When it's good it's great. Don't get me wrong. When things are good it can be such a great feeling. But is it worth it when the bad is so miserable? Or should I listen and believe that it's my fault that I feel this way, as if I have some sort of disorder. That I'm dramatic. So, expressing myself is dramatic. Explaining that I'm upset is dramatic. I've never been one for scenes. I'll wait until I'm home to cry. I'll wait for a private setting to argue. I've never thrown a heavy object at a male. Or any object for that matter without intending them to catch it. I've never screamed, yelled, or been physically abusive. Since when did expressing feelings in an adult manner become dramatic? I'm honestly curious at this point. I don't even want to begin on the double standards that occur weekly. Maybe I'll go back to the Apple store.
Funny thing. I'm painfully optimistic the majority of the time. I put my phone down and sat on my bed. Feeling incredibly alone. And then my phone rang. I looked at it, hopeful, but immediately disappointed when an unknown number stared up at me. I continued to stare back. Should I pick it up? What do I have to lose?
"Hello, Brittany?" A man with a British accent said to me.
"Erm.. hi?" I stammered.
"It's Robert Pattinson... I'm back in town and I know I've been meaning to call. I'm terrible at it aren't I?"
Ok I'm kidding with the Robert Pattinson part. But it WAS actually an old high school buddy of mine whom I befriended when he was newly in from the British Isles. He had found me on facebook months earlier and we exchanged numbers.
"Will!" I nearly shrieked into the phone. "How ARE you??"
"I'm well! I just wanted to let you know that I'm in town and I'm having a party tomorrow night. Sort of a mixture of celebrations."
"Well my brother was just signed to *record company* and it's a friend's birthday and I'm back, so we're going to invite every one we know! Are you in?"
"Definitely." I smiled.