Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Down Side of Getting What You Want

At work, we pretty much have all 80 numbers of the girls we work with. That, or they're just a text or call away from a girl that does have her number. With management moving around and taking on different duties, such as scheduling, communication between each other has been crucial for our work performance.
"Yesterday i saw a STACK of write-ups in the office for girls that didn't have perfect uniforms." OK, so now we all know to bleach our shoes, shirts, and socks before coming into work. Girls frantically ask each other if they think barely-there stains will cost them their job. They'll walk over to you and scrunch your socks if you forget, let you know about any runs in your pantyhose, and tuck the tag back into your shirt. Basically, we are a kick ass team. While we did receive a memo about our physical appearance, everyone knows it's practically impossible to keep our uniforms perfect when working with the types of food we serve and still keep up the fun vibe our restaurant trade marks. But we're doing the best we can. I have recently purchased a Tide Pen

We have one of our new managers doing the scheduling our old manager once did, and he hasn't yet figured out how to email us the schedules. So we fend for ourselves, asking girls that work the day they come out to text our schedules to us. Luckily I never seem to have the problem, as I'm almost always scheduled the day they come out, or the email actually gets through to me. This week everybody was holding their breath to see if they were able to get the 4th off, including me. My boyfriend is actually participating in an off-road race on Tuesday so I was angling to get that off as well. Once again, as I picked up my schedule, I received all of the days I wanted off, but I had actually put in a vacation request for the 4th. In the dressing room, everyone else moaned about having to work that holiday and that they never, ever worked Sundays. Dashing around to see who got it off, they spotted me.
"Do you want my shift??" they cried.
"Um, no I requested it off." I replied. Why would I want to work Saturday or Sunday when I had purposely requested them off WITH a vacation request. Later that evening I received a text from a girl asking what her schedule was.
"Are you serious?? They scheduled me for the 4th!?" She replied.
"Yeah I guess almost everybody got fucked over."
"Yeah, everyone except you"
How she knew that I have no idea. But it's starting to feel like there's some animosity growing towards me. We'll see. Maybe they'll schedule me on Sunday next time and I can join the pity party.

Friday, June 26, 2009

What is Ford Thinking??

The other day my boyfriend and I had the displeasure of seeing the new Ford Mustang and we couldn't hold back the giggles. Why Ford?? You had such a good thing going! The new mustang looked pretty bad ass with it's fast back style and mean look. But you've taken that and smushed up the back to the point where I'd be fearful of being made fun of for driving the "stink bug car" if i ever purchased one. And I probably wont. Mustangs aren't my thing really. I hate to sound like a snob but I'd rather not drive around in the "poor man's" muscle car. If I was going to shell out some money for a car it would be something it would be either gas friendly or fun.

But really? When the new body style came out around my junior year of high school, about 5 or 6 years ago, I saw a completely new car. It brought back the mean, muscle look of the late 60's that I loved so much. But this new look just doesn't cut it for me. What do you think? Here's a yellow 2007 with the normal body style, and then we've got the red angled up rear. The advertisement photo obviously is marketing it to sell so they've got the best angle possible. It looks much worse in person.

**Not to piss off any of you ford people. I know there is a HUGE following. Half of you sit in my section at work a couple times a month!! xoxo

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I Heart Craigslist


What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me som
e tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

-Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings
-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way.
Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Wave House

Where have I been? No, seriously. I obviously need to get out more because I've apparently been missing out on quite a lot in my own city. I finished my breaker shift at work a little later than usual because I'm too nice and broke some girls that didn't really need to be. It was a slow shift, but I had the pleasure of waiting on a table where a young man sat (that required a double take to make sure he wasn't Jon Krasinski, or more commonly known as Jim Halpert, from The Office; a most beloved television show of mine), whose company I enjoyed immensely. After my shift I headed straight to the boyfriend's house, freshened up, and donned an outfit I hoped would keep me warm enough for hanging out by the beach but cool enough to dance my heart out at a concert.

We arrived early. It was not yet seven, but parking is terrible by the beach and I wanted to be positive I didn't have to walk back ten blocks in a drunken stupor. It was overcast. Typical June gloom. We walked up to receive our wristbands, stepped inside, and a smile immediately spread across my face. Heaven! I took a few more steps and felt my foot squish into some uneven terrain. My boyfriend tightened his grip on me and laughed. "Easy there, you haven't even had your first drink yet." Sand! They had sand inside! Well, the venue is basically on the beach so sand is probably a given, but they actually had dug out areas filled with sand and fire pits! Bars scattered the premises and surf boards were fabricated into awesome tables. I was in San Diego heaven. We walked up to the bar.
"Guinness please!" I happily exclaimed.
"Aw sorry doll, but we only serve Guinness on Fridays."
Ok, so maybe it's not exactly paradise. Not twenty minutes later, they turned the wave generator on. Yes. Wave Generator. Near the entrance, there is a large pool area complete with warming jacuzzis, showers, and a frickin wave. They actually had a few competitions going on as well. It was amazing to watch, and my boyfriend and I promised ourselves that we would be back for the next round. Not as observers, but as stoked out competitors!

I wasn't really an Unwritten Law fan before I arrived that night. But I sure as hell was one when I left. Maybe it was the five or six beers in me, I know I know lightweight, but those kids really know how to put on a show. I don't think I've ever had that much fun at a concert before, not counting that uncomfortable few minutes when my boyfriend went to the bathroom and some broseph felt that it was appropriate to take his place.

On our way home, I drunkenly demanded quesadillas, and to my surprise and delight, the boyfriend actually pulled into an unknown drive through! I was far too incoherent to pay attention to where we were, but dang, best quesadilla ever. Boyfriend agrees.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The 10 Weird and Bizarre Habits Hooters Girls form

1.  Lip gloss will become part of you.  You won't even realize you're putting it on until your boyfriend starts complaining.  Because nobody really wants to kiss a sticky, gooey mess.  
2.  You will instinctively put important loose cards, money, and paper into the sleeves of your tank tops.  It just becomes second nature.  
3.  "Cover-ups" will slowly begin to consume your wardrobe.  Because we can't leave the restaurant in our uniform and you have to look cute going into work.  Of course, some girls look just as cute coming in with their sweats and Dunder Mifflin Tee shirts, i hope.
4.  Shorts, dresses,  and skirts will never, ever feel too short.  Ever again.
5.  Wearing said shorts, dresses, and skirts will begin to feel "drafty" without that thick, protective panty-hose layer.  
6.  You'll achieve wing expertise.  
7.  Rude and lecherous guys won't be as irritating, because you've already seen much, much worse.  
8.  You will be compelled to exclaim, in your most HOOTERIFFIC voice, "HI WELCOME TO HOOTERS!" when you see someone entering the restaurant.  Even if you're off the clock.  And donning your cover up. (see #3)
9.  You will become very, very conscious of what you put into your body.  Because it WILL be visible your next shift.
10.  And finally, you will become the best, and I mean the BEST, tipper when dining out.  Because you understand.  You will also come to understand the difference between Hooters Tipping and the way to tip at every other restaurant.  


for more info please click here.

Passenger "Too Sexy" for Southwest Airlines

I remember when it was all over the news, and that was before my blogging days.  

Well, guess who my newest coworker is :p
And, she's pretty cool.  

Friday, June 19, 2009

Surprise Surprise

The boyfriend showed up at my house last night with two concert tickets in hand! Have I ever mentioned how much I love live music? I am now very excited for this Saturday night at the Wave House!!

In the meantime I will be earning back what is rightfully mine tonight at the restaurant. Wish me luck!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Quite the opposite of decent.

Yesterday was quite the opposite of decent. I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn to take my father to the air port, which ended up making me very late to the office. After eight frustrating hours, I clocked out and drove straight to Hooters to get ready there. Apparently I've gained a couple of pounds, which is the equivalent of 10-15 Hooters pounds. Throughout that evening I had to put up with a lingering table that thought it was hilarious to tell me I should work at "Booties." Haha guys...never heard that one before. I proceeded to mysteriously loose $100 from my money book and was walked out on by two guys I was horribly attentive and nice to. I didn't receive a break that night because it was assumed that I would be cut early, so Head Wait and my manager nearly flipped out when they realized I was about to cross into the 6 hour-you-must-have-a-break-to-work-any-longer time limit. On top of that I lost my voice and I still can't hear very well out of my left ear. "I'm almost afraid to get in my car and drive home." I said to my sympathetic manager. After cashing out, I walked away with negative 37 dollars.

But I received no write up and I still have my job. And I'm thankful for that.

I sent a text to my boyfriend about my not so very good night and drove home in silence, trying to clear my thoughts. "GOOSFABA" I thought to myself, quoting Jack Nicholson from Anger Management. At home I tried releasing some stress on the piano, but as it was well past midnight and my motor skills weren't functioning properly, I began to get ready for bed, impatiently looking to my phone every few minutes to see if my boyfriend had written me back. He did. Sort of. But he was preoccupied with some friends I guess. The final slap in the face. I turned on the soundtrack to twilight and begged my body to sleep, hoping that forgoing dinner would help slim me up for my next shift.

I can't wait until I am in a professional career. I am counting down the days.


What type of software do you use to create this type of art??

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Have I mentioned that Beer commercials are my absolute favorite?

(I couldn't locate the English version. But the actual words aren't even necessary :p)

Always the Bridesmaid...

Before Hooters, I had never been exposed to so much girlishness. I'm sure it's been good for me. I am now pro at stopping nylons snags from becoming full blown tears. I can actually get my hair to hold a curl for hours on end. I'm comfortable openly talking about male society taboo topics such as menstruation, feminine body hair, and other aches and pains that come with being a woman. But what REALLY surprises me are the relationships. EVERYONE talks about marriage. I'm finding out the women I work with are much older or younger than I originally thought. A girl I figured was MAYBE 19 is at least 26 with children. Yep that was a children. While most of our girls are in college and working towards impressive degrees, there is a romantic air about them that one would not find in a predominantly male work force. On average, I've been finding out that a girl has either become engaged or married about once every couple of weeks. Pregnancy conversations are common. And with only a number of Hooters Girls somewhere in the mid 60s low 70s, I think that's a huge percentage. But this is entirely dependent on the types of girls that are working with me during a shift. Some days I'll feel like I'm working in an urban city. Some days, down by the beach. But more and more recently, it's definitely been that small town feel. It's kind of cute actually. But I think I'm gonna wait a while.


Until I became a Hooters Girl, I had never noticed how many types of BUTTS there are. I just assumed you had one or you didn't. But thanks to those fabulously famous orange shorts, my opinion of the matter has changed entirely. And I'm kinda starting to like mine :o)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Where have all the men gone??

Just for the record, this isn't an excuse to vent about my boyfriend at all. He's amazing and a half. It is a genuine concern for the future of females everywhere. I understand that women aren't perfect, that equal rights happened, and that some women are fem-nazi bitches. But I'm so tired of being teased by on-camera hotties. It's natural for a woman to want a man that makes her feel secure. Yes, I like my men taller than me. I like to know that I can walk down town with him and feel safe from the lecherous, leering men that seem to appear out of the wood work when a female is by herself. Who are all these boys, wearing pants tighter than mine, emitting cologne into the atmosphere at unsafe levels, and spending twice as long as me in the bathroom getting ready? And Hollywood, you're making things worse. You feed cute pretty boys to the PG crowd through Disney, creating even more pretty boy lemmings, and then by the time these boys are old enough for the decent PG13 and R movies, it's too late. They're already on their way to Portland and art school. Not that I have a problem with that.

This is for you Ironman, Wolverine, and Marcus Wright from Terminator SALVATION. Nobody likes a tease.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Washing Your Hands 101

It may or may not be a coincidence that my new GM discussed hand washing during my most recent "jump start" before the start of our shift soon after the lovely KH of THE HOOTERS GIRL posted her few blogs on the importance of washing hands. I understand that Kat Cole, Vice President of the Hooters Company, follows her blog and corporate has been keeping in close contact with our restaurant lately. Could these two events be related? Maybe.

The Times They Are a Changin'

Along with a few changes and additions to the management team, we received a particularly informative memo on the back of this week's schedule.

Hooters has always been a very image-based company, requiring their employees to follow reasonably strict dress codes and other codes of conduct.

Well friends, it's gotten even worse, er, better.

We were asked to read the memo with an open mind and to consider the motivation behind the changes that are being made. "We are aiming to focus a bit more on the 'girl next door, all American cheerleader, athletic, healthy, friendly, outgoing, happy' aspects of the ideal Hooters Girl image." That I completely understand. During times like these, we cant afford to lose any business, and chubby antisocial Hooters Girls are definitely a no-no. (Notice the HUGE drop in currently employed Hooters Girls at my location.)

I'm not sure if these changes are being made in every location. (Sauce? KH? A. Robb? Mayor? Thoughts?)

1. We are now no longer allowed to wear white bras under our white uniform tank tops. I completely understand this. Our uniform tank tops are very much like snowflakes. They are all completely different and unique. Because of this, I dread purchasing new uniforms. Although I always buy the size XXS, they all seem to be of different material thicknesses and shapes. Some tank tops squeeze my armpits. Some necklines are higher or lower, which can make your C look like a D, or the other way around. Occasionally you'll get a shirt that requires a "trim." Which is why we always have a pair of sizzors in the break room, so the shirt doesn't bunch up underneath our ever-smooth shorts. Some are so thin, that while wearing a white bra, it looks as if you just participated in a wet tee-shirt contest. Hense the illegalization of the white bra.

2. Bras continued... Bras may not be of a lace fabric or have lace edges. No designes are allowed, including scalloped edges. No crossing back straps. Clear straps are suggested. Basically no straps showing. Ever. Again, completely understandable.

3. Light pink is now the darkest nail color allowed. We used to be allowed to wear any shade of red, but not anymore. Besides the light shades of pink, french & american style manicures are acceptable. Again, I completely agree. The red nail polish just clashed with the whole "orange" theme of the restaurant. We're even receiving a sample from corporate, which leads me to believe that this isn't just occuring at my location.

4. Once again, jewelry is limited to wedding/engagement rings, and a small stud earring in each ear. We also allow required medical identification tag or bracelet or necklace. Anything else is not allowed. *They went into great detail about what isn't allowed, just incase of course.

5. OLD style shorts are not allowed to be modified in any way and must be worn up on the hip bone as designed. Hense the name OLD style shorts. Because we will be receiving the new style shorts in THREE WEEKS!! Woo! Hallaluja. Some of our trainers and promo girls already have them. My butt cheeks are very grateful.

6. Socks are now to be worn with the top edge on the lowest portion of the calf muscle. Still scrunchy of course. **This is a LITTLE lower than I like to wear mine.

7. "Pantyhose are no longer permitted to be pulled up past the waist band of your shorts."
THANK YOU! Finally. Because of the aforementioned snowflake tank tops, pantyhose was very visible when worn by some girls who liked to pull it up way past their bellybuttons. Occasionally, we'd get a nice shirt thick enough to hide this, and pulling up the pantyhose actually helped to smooth any appearance of the dreaded muffin top.

8. Tattoos are still to be covered and management will be enforcing ink on the back of the neck because girls have the tendency to lift their hair or pull it to the side, exposing said tattoo. This is going to be a big pain for A LOT of girls. I regularly see shoddily covered up tattoos. "As long as we make an effort to cover them up, it's ok!" a now EX Hooters Girl once told me. Not any more sister.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

One Bagillion.

I have about that many unpublished rough drafts of posts that I've got to start editing and attaching pretty pictures to.  So tune in next time!!  

(I want to try and attach MY OWN work to my posts so it is taking a considerable amount of time to post something that may have taken only minutes before.)

Miss you all.  
your brit

just in case you were curious, we're back up to 70 girls!  With all of these new hires, there are BOUND to be some interesting stories.  (foreshadowing ;p)


I am finally the proud owner of a MILITARY MONDAY HOOTERS UNIFORM! How?? You might ask. But they no longer make them/issue them out to Hooters Girls! You may stammer. Well, thanks to EBAY, I now have one less day to wear those hideous orange shorts! Woo!

I just found out my new GM is outlawing the Military Monday Hooters Uniform. Great. I think I'll wear mine next Monday and see what happens. It just looks so much better. According to the girl that burst my ecstatic bubble yesterday, he's getting rid of them because not enough girls have them. Maybe if he sees that we're trying to obtain these cuties he'll have a change of heart :o)

Play with our Wii!

Mondays have been so slow lately that our managers have begun to allow us to text during our shift (within reason) in desperate attempts to get friends, boyfriends, or literally anyone we know to come in and "visit" us, hopefully ending up in some type of profit for our restaurant. We have also instituted game day. Last Monday our manager installed a rock band, wii, and play station in the less populated area of the restaurant that contains the larger flat screens to encourage patrons to come in and waste money while battling for their pride against one of our very talented Hooters Girls. Let's see how this works... I am VERY excited to show off my skillz. Thank you boyfriend :o)

My mom recently purchased a Wii and a Wii Fit. We play every time I come over. Amazing. I"m actually sore.

Monday, June 8, 2009


I like going to work. It's a wonderful distraction. I am required to look conventionally attractive. I have regulars that come in specifically to have a good conversation with me. I receive a free meal during my shift. I feel taken care of. I work with hilarious and brilliant women. My managers care about my well being and give me wonderful hours. My hard work is appreciated. Everyone says thank you. I meet people from around the world. It fits in perfectly with my school hours. But then I come home alone and reality hits me. I can't keep running forever.

I am a mess

As a naturally very healthy person, I've been a complete disaster lately. My previously twisted ankle is acting up again. I woke up last week with little to no hearing in my left ear. I'm congested and constantly sleepy. What is up with this?? I haven't worked at Hooters in a week now. A coworker offered to pick up my shift tonight and I gladly gave it to her. I called my manager and explained that I was still sick but had a replacement ready. "Well alright." He said "But you know I'd rather have you here. Get well and hurry back." Thank you so much for caring. I mean it.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Cutest Birthday

At Hooters we have a few different options when it comes to dealing with birthdays. The easiest, and meanest, way is to just ignore them. Do nothing. But that's not going to earn you a very good tip. The half-assed/we're very busy/you're way too shy way is the birthday clap. And I'm not talking about Gonorrhea's street name. "HOOTERS HAS A BIRTHDAY SONG! AIN'T TO SHORT AND IT AIN'T TOO LONG! SING IT RIGHT GET YOUR WISHES! SING IT WRONG AND DO THE DISHES!..." So cheesy I know. But the even more cheesy, and most time consuming Hooters Birthday celebrations consist of dragging up the willing/not so willing and making fun of them in front of the whole restaurant on a microphone, giving them birthday spankings, and ending in either the dreaded chicken dance, the even more dreaded YMCA, or my personal favorite Hooters Hokey Pokey... "Put your right wing in! Put your right wing out! Put your right wing in and shake it all about!"

The other day we had a birthday on the patio. For some reason their Hooters Girl just wanted to do a birthday clap so we all went over and did our thing. But what touched me was the guy's girlfriend. They couldn't take their eyes off each other. As we sang out bit she was signing him the happy birthday song. She was deaf. They had the happiest expressions on their faces and the moment we finished with "Happy Birthday... TO YOU!!!" she reached over and gave him the biggest hug and gave him his gift to open. It was so touching. Their happiness was so pure and real. No one else compared to them that night. The other couples in the restaurant consisted of irritated girlfriends and drunk wives. This was real, unconditional love. The kind that doesn't really notice any other girl, the kind that lights up when their eyes meet, and the kind that takes their boyfriend to Hooters for his birthday because she wants him to have fun and be happy. Oh god, I think I'm overdosing on cuteness. I need to go lay down.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Girls left now. Wow.

Monday, June 1, 2009


When all of your efforts are ignored you can't help but begin to feel invisible.