Tuesday, July 7, 2009


I was walking as fast as I could without it being considered running. I was breaker, and I just took on a handful of needy tables, all terrified of being forgotten about while their server was on break.
"Yes, I've only taken on Cinderella's section." *Smile* "So I've only got you and a couple other tables until she gets back! Of course I won't forget about you!" I'll reassure them as I notice their blank stares looking through me, desperately trying to find their server. Only they wont find her, because she's in the break room. Eating. Like you. It's nice isn't it, eating.
"This is for Buttercup" a stuffy old man will say, handing me a credit card.
"Well of course it is! I'm only the lowly breaker!" Tonight. While every other night I'm here. Serving. And I have my own, much nicer tables. It doesn't matter how many times I say: "Everything goes to Buttercup! Right when she gets back from her break!" They always assume I'm the lying, cheating bitch that left them for the pool boy three years ago.

"HEY!!" shouts the clearly intoxicated ex-marine from another girl's section.
I stop in my tracks. I'm juggling at least 10 dirty plates laden with sharp utensils.
"Whaareee ya from??"
"Um, here." *Smile!*
"Naaaw yeeer not!" he stammered.
"Oh I am." *Smile!*
"Yaww look li'ek yer a southern beeeeeauty!"
"Nope!" I cheerfully reply. Still balancing the plates. He was clearly not a southern gentleman.
"I'd tell you whaaah but I shouldn't!" He began to giggle.
"Ok then!" And I used that as my exit strategy.

Next table.
"Would you like any dessert? Our peanut butter pie is amazing!"
The man just looks at me. His friends are beaming at him.
"We've also got chocolate mousse cake, cheesecake, and our equally tasty key lime pie if peanut butter isn't your favorite!"
Still no movement. I wait for a moment. Our eyes locked. I'm about to step away with the plates I've cleared from their table when he begins to lift his hands. He looks me up and down and begins to make a kneading motion. His friends burt into fits of laughter.
My smile begins to fade, "Ok, the check then."

My favorite section to break was a table of at least 30 Australian teenage baseball players and their 10 chaperones. I literally spent the entire time taking individual pictures with each blushing boy and each liquored-up chaperone, and circled the huge table and side tables repeatedly refilling drinks and bringing on the alcohol.
"Alright everyone, Ariel will be back from her break any minute! She let me know that she knows exactly how you want to be cashed out, so you'll have your checks any time now!"
"Oh brit! You don't haff to leaf us due you!" They all shouted in their adorable accents.
"Of course I'm not leaving you! You'll just have your Ariel back too!"
Oh I adore being appreciated.


NumberTwentyTwo said...

Love reading your blog, there is always something interesting to read about. That line about our accents being adorable cracked me up laughing. Keep up the good work.



brit said...

Thank you!!