Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Office Drives Me Crazy

No, unfortunately, I am not speaking of THE OFFICE, the best show in the world. I'm talking about my office. My less exciting place of work. Every day I am exposed to the idiots and the scum of the area. Today a girl brought in a copy of the renewal form for the Readers Digest. "This form is telling me I can pay my ticket for only ten dollars, but I already paid it!"

Oh really. Breathe. Just breathe.

"Ma'am, can I have your citation number so I may look up your citation?" I said, deciding to ignore her stupidity for the time being.
"But this form says..." I stopped listening and my mind went blank for about thirty seconds.
"That is a renewal form for the readers digest. It says Readers Digest. Where does it say anywhere anything about this police station." She didn't deserve to be protected from herself.
"What? No, but this came with the other form..."
"Yes. It probably came in the mail at the same time but that doesn't mean WE sent it to you. And that delinquent notice..? That probably crossed in the mail because you waited until the last day to pay it, right?"
"Well, oh. I guess."
"Have a nice day ma'am"

Not ten minutes later:
"Is this the lost and found??" said a frantic, discheveled young man.
"Well this is the police office but we do have a lost and ..."
"Do you have any pants??" He cut me off.
"Yes, I asked the other offices and they said to come to the lost and found here." His eyes jerked around the room before they landed on my again. Fuck you other offices. Fuck you.
"Let me check, what color are they?"
"I don't care, I just need some pants."
Oh my god. "Sir, I can't just give you someone else's pants, even if we did have some."
"I just need to borrow them!! I'll give them back!!!"
Oh god. "Sure! I'll check for you!"
"Thank you! You're the only one that knows what they're doing!"
I ran into the back and sat there for about five minutes and came back out. "I'm sorry sir, unfortunately we don't have any pants. "

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